


Lullaby

by Silverofyou



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kandreil - Freeform, M/M, Sharing a Bed, They'll be okay, and neil is willing to give them, daysten, kevin just wants cuddles, kevineil, kind of slow burn, mostly kevineil but implied kandreil, they're emotional idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 16:23:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21664813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverofyou/pseuds/Silverofyou
Summary: Andrew leaves for East Haven and leaves Kevin and Neil with no one to hold onto. So they hold onto each other.
Relationships: Kevin Day/Neil Josten, Kevin Day/Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 15
Kudos: 252





	Lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for canon-typical discussions of abuse (albeit a little toned down). It's mostly just a lot of fluff.  
This was written for the Forget Me Not Zine! Link to come. 
> 
> 1000000000000000000000 thanks to Q (queuebird) for betaing for me. As always, the best beta and friend anyone could ever ask for :D
> 
> AND 1000000000000000000 THANKS TO TINA bc she also beta'd for me and told me "make me ACHE" so that's what I did ;)) you can thank her for that. MWAH. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The first time it happened, Neil was staring at the bunk above him. He’d temporarily moved into the monsters’ dorm after figuring it’d be easier to keep an eye on Kevin and go to night practices without having Matt wait up for him every time. He saw Kevin’s mattress shift, felt the bunk shake as Kevin climbed down, heard his feet hit the cold tiles-- and still he was startled when Kevin softly called his name.

Neil turned his head a little and looked at Kevin, focusing on the shadows splayed across his face, making it look all sharp angles and moonlit green eyes.

“Yeah?” Neil murmured.

Kevin stayed quiet, rigid, his discomfort evident in the way his fingers clenched and unclenched at his sides. Neil understood immediately. He shifted on the bed, moved closer to the wall, and lifted the blankets in the empty space. 

“C’mere,” he said. Kevin hesitated a few seconds more, and then gingerly got under the covers in the spot Neil offered. He laid on his back, staring at the bunk above them. Neil moved to mirror him, but turned his head slightly to the side to be able to look at him. He looked tired, and there was a trace of something dark in his eyes.

“Was it him?” Neil asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Kevin didn’t turn around or reply, but his breath hitched, and Neil noticed. He decided that was answer enough, so he turned his back to Kevin, closed his eyes, and tried not to think.

\---

When Neil woke up, the bed was empty. They didn’t talk about it.

\---

It happened again, though. This time, Neil woke up with a start, confused, reaching under his pillow and finding it empty. His heart climbed up his throat as he desperately tried to remember where he was. He fought the panic down as a slightly strangled “Mom” left his lips, then he felt a hand in his hair, pulling slightly, grounding him, and he thought,  _ Andrew.  _ He took a deep breath as his vision cleared and he turned his head around, only to find Kevin looking at him with a deep scowl. 

“You’re not Andrew,” Neil said stupidly, breathing hard. Then he remembered where Andrew was, and he flopped back down on the bed. Kevin disentangled his fingers from Neil’s hair slowly, and moved from his kneeling position on the floor to sit at the edge of the bed. 

“No,” Kevin said simply. Neil looked at him, the familiar scowl and the tension of his shoulders, and something eased in his chest. He closed his eyes momentarily, and when he opened them again, Kevin was looking at him with an equally familiar intensity. “You were screaming.”

Neil took another deep breath. Nathan had been there, and so had Neil’s mom. He decided he didn’t want to think about it. 

“I’m fine,” he said. Kevin glared at him, but Neil ignored it. 

Kevin seemed to hesitate for a second, and Neil waited him out. Kevin looked more exhausted than usual, and Neil couldn’t figure out what had-- oh. 

“You miss him,” Neil said, staring hard at him. 

Kevin pressed his lips together tightly. “You’re going to have to be more specific.”   


Neil rolled his eyes. “Andrew.”

Kevin stayed quiet, and that was all the answer Neil needed. It made sense, he thought. Andrew had been Kevin’s rock for almost two years now, they’d been practically attached at the hip, and now Andrew was gone. And, Neil suddenly remembered, Kevin wasn’t used to being alone. 

He looked at Kevin, hard, and Kevin stared right back, like he was daring him to say something, chin jutting out slightly. The gesture made Neil’s palms tingle with something like excitement, but he wouldn’t be able to explain why. He made a decision and moved back in the bed in silent invitation. 

Neil thought he saw Kevin’s shoulders sag a little bit-- with relief or defeat, he couldn’t tell. This time, when Kevin got under the covers, Neil didn’t turn his back to him, but settled with one arm under his pillow and the other tucked close to his chest. Kevin looked at him for a moment longer and then settled on his back, slightly stiff. Neil closed his eyes and didn’t dream anymore.

\--- 

It became a habit after that, and Neil couldn’t say he minded. He was used to sharing a bed with his mom, and even after a year and a half of sleeping alone, having another body by his side eased him a little bit. Kevin seemed to be sleeping better, too, if the receding purple under his eyes was any indication. Aaron and Nicky had even stopped questioning it, instead deciding to ignore it-- or, in Nicky’s case, make an inhuman effort to keep his mouth shut after the look Kevin gave him when he asked, “What was that about homosexual athletes again, Kevin?”

They didn’t really talk about it, though. Neil didn’t know if it was because they didn’t want to, or because they didn’t need to-- the reason why they were doing it was obvious. Kevin had always had someone beside him, be it Riko, or Jean, or Andrew. Andrew had left, leaving Kevin alone for the first time in a year and a half, and he desperately needed something, some _ one  _ to hold on to. 

Neil, on the other hand, had started to rely on Andrew and his promise to keep him alive more than he’d wanted to admit. Sometimes the panic and the nightmares became so unbearable he had to almost physically remind himself he’d promised he wouldn’t run anymore.

What Neil and Kevin needed, they’d reluctantly realized, was each other.

One thing Neil had started to notice, though, was that sometimes he would catch Kevin’s eyes lingering on him in the lounge during practice, and then flicking away, a frown on his face. Neil started to notice other things that he had absolutely no business noticing, too, like the heat of Kevin’s leg next to his when they sat side by side on the couch, or the brush of their arms when they passed each other during drills. It was very distracting and set Neil on edge, but he was starting to get used to it.

And then the Winter Banquet happened, and Kevin figured out who he was… and then he left for Evermore. 

\---

When he came back, he thought things would change. He thought Kevin would withdraw from him the way he did with everyone else, thought he’d have to move back into his own dorm. What else was he supposed to think, after Kevin’s reaction to his appearance and his brand-new tattoo? He’d probably have nightmares if they slept in the same room, let alone the same bed. 

That night he went to bed exhausted, bones weary and injuries aching. He was about to give up on waiting for Kevin to join him _ (why was he even waiting)  _ when he felt a dip in the mattress beside him. His heart sped up and he turned around slowly, watching as Kevin fought  _ something  _ inside himself and finally got under the covers. Neil took a deep breath and waited.

“Tell me everything,” Kevin said finally, voice rough and shoulders tense. So Neil did.

\---

Two nights later, Kevin woke up thrashing, a raw whimper escaping his throat. Neil moved away from him, trying to be as unthreatening as possible until Kevin regained consciousness of his surroundings. Once Kevin was still, breathing hard through his nose and hair plastered to his forehead with sweat, Neil moved again, closer to him. He tried to put himself in Kevin’s shoes, tried to think of what he needed, and decided he probably wanted some gentle comfort. Neil wasn’t the best at handling these sort of situations, since his childhood had been as far from ‘gentle’ or ‘comforting’ as it could get, and his years on the run with his mom hadn’t been much better, but he knew he had to do  _ something.  _ After he’d gone to Evermore, he understood more than ever why Kevin was the way he was. He didn’t necessarily agree with the way he handled himself, but he understood. That feeling, that necessity to not think about himself and help Kevin instead, scared him, but he decided to ignore it for now.

Before touching, Neil asked, “Okay?” trying to make his intentions perfectly clear.

Kevin looked at him with a start but nodded. Neil propped his head up on his elbow and sought Kevin’s left hand beneath the covers, carefully touched his fingertips to his scars, tracing each line with a softness he didn’t know he was capable of. Kevin was looking at him intently, but he didn’t move, so Neil didn’t stop. Finally, Kevin relaxed enough to shift and settle back down on the bed, never removing his hand from Neil’s. He turned on his side and his gaze bored into Neil, intent and with a level of intimacy that unnerved him. But Neil didn't back down, staring back all the same. Eventually Kevin closed his eyes slowly and his breathing deepened. It was only then that Neil pulled back his hand and rested his head back on the pillow, facing Kevin. For the first time since he took that plane to West Virginia, his normally reeling thoughts were quieted as he nodded off, watching Kevin's chest rise and fall slowly.

\--- 

Sometimes they talked, sometimes they didn’t. Sometimes they spoke about Andrew, and sometimes Kevin was drunk and loose-tongued, and he’d tell him about his first year at Palmetto, about that time he tried to recruit Andrew, about everything that had changed since then. Neil knew the story from the papers and Nicky and Aaron, and Jean had talked about the reason Kevin hadn’t insisted, but he wanted to hear it from Kevin himself.

“He didn’t care,” Kevin said, and there was a glint in his eye that Neil knew was a reflection of his own. “He was  _ so good,  _ and he just didn’t give a damn. He still doesn’t,” he added, with a hint of bitterness. Neil kept his eyes on him, watched the alcohol-induced droop of his eyelids, and knew it bothered Kevin greatly that he hadn’t been able to get through to Andrew yet. 

“He does care,” Neil said, with more confidence than he felt. He wanted to believe Andrew cared more than he let on. 

Kevin shrugged, noncommittal. Neil decided to bring up what Jean had told him.

“Why didn’t you insist on getting him to join the Ravens? Why didn’t Riko? Jean said--”

Kevin looked unhappy at the prospect of Jean sharing anything about him with anyone, even Neil, but explained anyway. “Yeah, Riko wanted Andrew to be a pet. He wanted Andrew to be like Jean. He wanted him to be  _ ‘my pet,’  _ but he would’ve been  _ his  _ anyway. Andrew couldn’t be that. I wouldn’t let Riko have him.”

Neil watched the heat rise high in his cheeks with fascination and decided to leave it at that. He pulled Kevin down beside him by the collar of his shirt, wincing at the sudden sting in his arms. Kevin settled next to him with a huff, prying Neil’s fingers carefully away from his shirt, annoyed at Neil’s carelessness. They were closer than they usually slept, but Neil decided to blame it on the alcohol. He’d noticed Kevin got a lot touchier during nights like this, and he found he didn’t mind too much. Since he’d joined the Foxes, he’d discovered he craved physical contact in a way he never had before-- that he’d never realized he did.

Kevin lifted his hand and pressed his fingertips to Neil’s tattoo, making Neil shiver slightly. Kevin frowned, but didn’t pull his hand back, just left it there, his thumb brushing against Neil’s cheekbone. Then he finally let his hand fall, but he didn’t move away. Neil could feel the warmth of his breath on his face, smelling of vodka and mint, and he closed his eyes, letting out the air he didn’t know he was holding. When he opened them again, Kevin was asleep.

\---

The night before Andrew was supposed to get out of Easthaven, they skipped night practice to go to bed early. As they settled under the covers, Kevin told him about his relationship with Andrew. He was way more sober than Neil expected him to be to have that conversation. Kevin said they’d been hooking up before Neil joined the team. Why--  _ if--  _ they had stopped, Kevin didn’t say, and Neil didn’t ask. He guessed he’d find out soon enough. 

According to Kevin, Andrew had made the first move. After Columbia, Neil thought that made sense. They had been out at Eden’s, Kevin was tipsy but not drunk, and Andrew had taken him by the back of the neck, had asked him “Yes or no?” and Kevin, confused but not unwilling, had said yes.

After that, it’d become a habit. Except it wasn’t just at Eden’s, but in the dorm, in the locker rooms, sometimes during night practice on the Court. Kevin’s cheeks blushed a faint pink as he explained, but he didn’t give any other hint of his embarrassment, just kept on telling Neil about it.

And  _ oh,  _ Neil realized, Kevin didn’t think it was just a hook-up. He didn’t say it, he certainly didn’t even imply it, but Neil knew. After years of watching Kevin, and after the last few weeks watching him closely like nobody else did, Neil could tell how much he cared about Andrew, beyond his wasted potential on the court.

When Kevin stopped talking, they laid in silence for a few minutes. Neil could hear the sound of a video game in the living room, and the faint sound of Nicky and Aaron’s voices. 

“He’s going to be back tomorrow,” Neil said, searching Kevin’s face.

Kevin held his gaze. “I know.”

Neil nodded and took Kevin’s right hand in his, carefully but determinedly intertwining their fingers between their bodies. Kevin took a deep breath but said nothing. Neil shifted on the pillow they shared, putting his head under Kevin’s chin, a breath away from his neck, and exhaled slowly. Kevin stayed still for a few seconds before scoffing softly and getting comfortable. Neil closed his eyes, feeling Kevin’s rough palm under his own, and remembered his mother's words, his promise that he'd live. It wasn't him and her anymore, nor just him. But still, he couldn't help but think that the Foxes along with Andrew and Kevin were a part of him now. And he'd fight like hell to make sure all of the pieces of him survived.


End file.
